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« He Always Makes Me Smile | Main | So... What The Bleep DO We Know? »
I met my new doctor today. It was really time consuming. I had to fill out all these forms because I was new to the office, and then they were asking me all these questions --and, on top of it, my insurance was being silly.
Office Lady: Umm. Okay. So, this is your husband's insurance?
Me: No. My dad's.
Office Lady: (surprised) Oh! Okay...?
To this lady, I either appeared to be married, too old to be leeching off dad's insurance, or both! Either way, she thinks I'm old! :(
My doctor was nice. She reminds me of a really kind elementary school teacher --you know, the one that everyone likes. She has a dykey haircut, wears jean vests, and has really nice handwriting. Yet, of course, everything has to be awkward when you don't have your clothes on infront of random people.
Doctor: How many sexual partners have you had?
Me: (Said Number)
Doctor: Okay. And you label yourself as?
Me: Umm. (waits to see if she's serious, then realizes that she is) Uh. Obviously not a flaming homosexual?
Doctor: Okay. Are you dating anyone?
Me: No. And, um, I guess I'd label myself as a loser! Haha!
I never want to be honest with my doctor, because I don't like how they scribble down everything you say... but then again, you have to be honest with them.
Then, just like a dentist, they ask you the basic questions. What school you go to, what you're studying, where you work, what you do, etc. AND, just like a dentist, they ask you at odd moments. Except instead of her fingers being in my mouth... well, it's awkward to talk about, but let's continue!
Doctor: What are you studying? This may hurt.
Me: Uh, I'm studying... Ehh. Oww. Jour...
Nurse: Are you okay?
Me: Mmh. Jour..nal..ism. AAHYEAHIMOKAY!
Doctor: Your cervix is shy.
Me: I'm sorry? (Burst into tears)
In all honesty, pap smears take a minute, a few minutes tops. And, then, all of a sudden the doctor stands up and it's over. Doctor gives me a thumbs up, says "you might have some spotting," and then leaves. Doesn't that totally sound like a night at a fraternity party? I joke, I joke. Alright, if you're still reading, you can stop now, and go have nightmares. Night!
Posted by Stacy on June 23, 2004 12:05 AM | Filed In: Random
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